In these cases, reconciling could take a few days to a few years. Maybe meet up in a few weeks? My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. You Have This Feeling. Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. Its best to use classic methods for rekindling the flame between you and to make your ex understand that youre not looking for friendship. Lets assume for a moment that you arent anything like my clients and you arent trying to win your ex back. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. He'll want to keep you in his life to provide a female presence in his life, at least until he meets someone new. These might include: 1) Familiarity. And well over 20 million men and women have visited my websites and a good segment of them have asked me questions. What would you advise me to do? I initiated no contact, and I was started to feel better. Hi, my ex and I broke up 18 months ago. Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. Ill go on with my life and be the best person I can be. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . I say you should accept the friendship from your ex, and behave no differently than you did when you were in indefinite no contact. Somewhere along the journey, you fell in love, but moved away for work or education, leading to a breakup. LOL 1 year later I stopped it again. Very selfish, I know. Perhaps the best part about all of this is that everything Im going to talk about today has been backed up by research or my own personal experience helping couples after a breakup. 8. What matters is here and now, and not the promises that have been made when the relationship was on the rise. If you dont want to be friends with an ex its because you want to move on from your relationship, turn the page, and move on while you rebuild yourself. As Im sure youve understood, this article is principally about getting back together. Put it this way, if after one year, you are not seeing a progress in the relationship, it is probably time for you to move on. 1. Did your ex contact you saying they want to be friends with you? Ex Wife who cheated wants to be friends 1yr after we divorced. Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you its because it serves them in some way. All you can do is go full no contact and wait for her to process the breakup. This article may be useful to you https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/. Others will avoid you like the plague. If you are thinking that being buddies with your ex for purely sexual reasons is better than nothing, you risk getting stuck in this position because your exchanges will hold no sentimental value anymore. If your ex was cold and cruel during the breakup, he probably acted that way for a reason. Hi, I was with someone in person and then long distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Sometimes the person who is the dumper feels guilty about leaving the relationship, especially if they were unfaithful, and they want to remain friendly with the dumpee to help to ease . Then she would say if no phone then theres no relationship. This is 3 months after the breakup. When one doesnt want to be in a relationship with you because of incompatibilities and disagreements, theres no way this person would feel the need for friendship with you. Where do we come running when this happens? When your ex just wants to be friends, it is not necessary a bad thing. texting and phone calls. Well she broke up with me in good terms, even thought I still have feelings for her and want her back. Since your ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt want to be your friend either. Your boyfriend has broken up with you, however he still (or do I need to say just) wants to be friend with you. Right back to the person we are comfortable with. For the first week we talked and hung out but now we dont talk at all. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. Its possible he started seeing/talking to other people and got a huge raise to the ego. As long as everything is fine and dandy, exes are not going to be concerned about their past behavior. Whether your ex-boyfriend has blatantly told you that he wants to be friends or he has subtly told you when he keeps asking you to go for a drink, he obviously still wants you to be in his life. The less drama the better for everyone involved.. To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce your ex is more than half the . Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. Could I accept her back into my life? Staying friends and sleeping with exes is a lot more common than you think. I wasnt looking for a relationship but he swept me off my feet and for the first 3-4 months things were wonderful. We hang out with out group and whenever were together and hes had a few drinks hes all over me, saying he misses me and wants me back, cant stop looking at me and then he doesnt talk to me but when were together you can feel the chemistry. After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. In essence, they are using you for emotional support and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through a breakup. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. Which in I dont to be honest. Hi Savannah, if you want to follow this program then you need to follow No Contact. So I negotiated this, I would be fine starting as her friend but I would want 2-3 weeks of mutual exclusivity. I dated a guy for three months. Look at how you are being treated and ask yourself if staying friends with your ex really matters right now. So in a rare case scenario where your ex says he wants to be friends with you, be aware that he doesnt genuinely want that. Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact. Use Rachael as an example that accepting your exs request to become friends is sometimes really not the best idea. Ive said it many times and have even written a book about it. At some point he has to move on! In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we dont mean or regret later. You deserve more. The mental state I want to have is this: I want to better myself. I went no contact for around 2 months. She cant think about the relationship and just wants her space. Ive spent this week healing and learning about what I want in my next relationship and Im quite excited about my future now, so Thankyou . A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them with the best of both worlds. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. Often when you become friends with your ex you are placing yourself in a position of weakness. Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. Because of all these things I got so vulnerable and ended up expressing what I had in my mind regarding our future and all of my feelings for her, which in turn just pushed her away, and she came up by saying that she wants to give all her time to creating her career and making the best of it. If you have recently parted ways, being friends with an ex will only do more damage than good. We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other. Youll have another type with a stranger. I also feel guilty, because sure Id like her back but rn I have to focus on building a foundation from the ground up. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Once the decision to become friends again has been made, your ex must start initiating conversations and leading them as well. He or she looks for things you possess so you can raise their social status and overall health. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. Copyright 2011 - 2023 MomJunction Private Limited. He didnt really like talking to me & grew distant. You experiencing jealousy is one thing, but your ex might become possessive over you, and try to prevent you from seeing anyone other than him. Related Articles: At the time of the breakup, he told me he still cared for me, and wanted me to be his friend and stay in his life because he genuinely liked me as a person. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. Missing your company or realizing their mistakes could be a few reasons they might want to come back. As I stated above, everyone responds to breakups in a different way. Twice on his part and once on mine. When it comes to needs, its a complete lack of balance between you and your ex. Signs Your Ex-Girlfriend Will Eventually Come Back. I know her behaviour. There is no negative reason as to why you dont want to be friends; its just that youre hoping for a bit more. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. The interest level of this person has to be so high it evens out with your disinterest. I get it, it can be too much. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship based only on sex if you also want. 9. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. It makes it easier when you bump into each other. It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. What Can I Do? It is not a good idea to be friends with your ex just because they are afraid of change. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? As soon as I left him alone and gave no contact, he started to reach out. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. Keep reading this article and youll find out! Learn how your comment data is processed. If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness. I have been sensing that she may be letting a guy pursue her or being on dates. Even attempted to cheat right before he broke up with me. Your highly emotional state during the breakup would make you act on impulse and force you to do uncontrollable things. She was once an English teacher and enjoys editing Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. To control you. Hey there if you want a relationship then you need to avoid falling into the friends zone the only time we allow this is if you are 100% he has moved on to someone new. The other part which shuts their ex down in a cold manner, not so much. How to find yourself after a breakup with these pro tips! The three reasons are relatively straightforward. Consider for a moment the types of conversations you have with the different people in your life. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? There is no middle ground when it comes to exes. Sometimes you go from being an ex to a friend with benefits very quickly. How do you think I should go about this cause Im stuck. Do take note. Building a . We loved. She replied and offered friendship, which I rejected politely. I felt sad for him. Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself, "Fine, I don't need her. A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that its the only way to keep a man close. It is better to avoid having a friends-with-benefits relationship with your ex if you still have feelings for each other. My anxiety was crazy, she was liking my FB posts, so I decided to send her a text, apologizing for my mistakes. M y ex is one of my closest friends. 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